


Disco Girl, Coming Through

by PandaGod03



Series: Panda God's BillDip Collection [5]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bill in Underwear ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°), Bill in a Cake ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Billdip Week, But it's not NSFW I promise ;-;, Day 2: Happy Birthday!, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 08:12:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7927270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaGod03/pseuds/PandaGod03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the Twins' Birthday! Obviously Bill needs to get them something amazing. Mabel's easy enough- a two headed kitten, what else? That girl would gladly taken anything as long as it was cute.</p><p>Dipper, on the other hand, needs better treatment. Like, let's say, he himself, The Great Bill Cipher, in a cake with underwear?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disco Girl, Coming Through

**Author's Note:**

> Too busy to do all seven days this time, have this! Everyone needs Bill Cipher in underwear once in a while (trust me, I was half tempted to make his costume a little more...erotic. Whoops ^_^)
> 
> [T'is on Tumblr, eheh.](http://pandagodsblog.tumblr.com/post/149777361981/billdip-week-day-2-happy-birthday-disco-girl)
> 
> The underwear is also based on real underwear after ThatOnePinoyKid sent me [this](https://www.blueinc.co.uk/mens-light-grey-tastes-like-chicken-boxer-shorts-p19967) and I tweaked it a little to fit Bill :3

August 31.

The one and only Bill Cipher stared at the calendar, arms crossed and legs reasonably spread apart in a protective stance. His face was a little tight, despite telling himself over and over again that all of this was _his_ idea and _his_ plan, and technically no one was forcing him to do this one thing.

Now here's the thing- lingerie was hot. In his opinion, anyway. People in underwear were also hot. Again, his opinion. People in said underwear popping out of a cake to surprise their beau were also romantic and hot- in his opinion. Dipper was really hot-  in everyone's and his opinion. 

But, while Bill thought those things were nice, and were definitely welcome to happen to _him_ (especially if it was from a certain brunet, he was not meant to do it himself.)

Oh, the audacity he had to this.

Bill Cipher stood in the back of the kitchen of The Mystery Shack with nothing on but underwear, save for the tiny little black bow tie neatly puffed out around his collar like he was a present (which, yet again, he technically was). Printed neatly on the underwear was a giant turkey, with the words, "Look, a turkey!" neatly stamped. His rigid body was hidden by the giant white birthday cake slathered by many, many kinds of icing, hollowed out in the inside for his grand finale. 

He tugged at his bow tie collar, feeling a little hot despite the late summer air. If he didn't know any better, he would've thought he, himself, was nervous. HAHAHA! Bill Cipher? _Nervous?_ Just because he didn't know how his sweetheart would take such a surprise? Suuure. 

And anyway, he was an all-seeing demon, he knew exactly how this would play out.

That Grenda Grendinator girl would roll him out to the living room, and she'd leave quietly after he brainwashes her to do so. Then Dipper, all alone and miffed by the gigantic cake, allured by the cake's delicious beauty, stalks towards it with a knife and plate, licking his lips in anticipation. But no, Dipper Pines would not be getting a cake, because he'd be getting something much better. Bill Cipher would pop out of the cake, singing out of the top of his lungs, while Dipper sighs dreamily from the sight of his one true love in only ironic underwear and a bow tie. 

After that, phase two commences. 

A wicked grin spread across his face in a familiar Cheshire smile, his hands rubbing together like a devious little villain. All doubts about this little, ah...surprise disappeared into blue smoke, leaving him with nothing but excitement for the things to come for Dipper's special day.

And no, of course he hadn't forgotten Shooting Star's birthday. The last time he did such a thing, the crazy girl became the definition of petty and shredded every single one of his bow ties, including his favorite one! Obviously he learned his lesson, and lazily found a black kitten with two heads for her to have after obtaining it from a kitty dimension. Mabel named it- what was it again? Andy? Adrien? Allura? Carlos? Whatever.

Impatiently, Bill looked up at the clock on the wall, tapping his foot. Five more minutes until Dipper gets tired of the water balloon fight he was having with his sister outside and he comes in here for a drink. Just five more minutes.

He leaned against the wall, thinking over his plan over and over again. Crawl into the cake after hearing the door opening, hide until he lures a possessed Grenda, wait for Dipper, and then bam! Holy crap, he couldn't wait. He didn't spend five weeks trying to subtly learn what Dipper liked in a human body so he could make sure Dipper didn't resist him! 

Wait, what were the lyrics again? Was it Disco Girl or Dancing Queen? Age of seventeen or that girl is you? Damn it.

A loud thwack of a door caught his attention, the creaks of said door signalling him that someone had come into the Shack. Bill almost snapped his neck trying to do so, eyes wide with surprise. His instincts kicked in, and not a moment later, Bill was sliding underneath a giant cake to hide. 

Laughter filled the air, one that belonged to his favorite Pine Tree, and Bill couldn't help but let the maniac grin cover every inch of his face. 

The inside of the cake was very uncomfortable, to say the least, with his knees tucked to his chest and his arms wrapped around it like a little kid in a timeout corner. But he told himself it wouldn't last long, until Dipper decided to get a piece of the cake and everything would go absolutely right. In fact, his whole body was buzzing with the excitement! But why was his underwear getting tight?

"Grenda!" he hissed under his breath.

Where was that girl? She was supposed to be here by now, controlled by him! _"Grenda!"_ he screamed through their mindscapes. Wasn't being a demon amazing?

"Wha-? Oh! Heh!" Grenda laughed, her tone suggesting that she was a little spaced out. "I'll be there in a moment, Mr. Cipher."

"Good," he grunted to himself, out loud. He slumped against the wooden inside of the cake. "This birthday of his has to be perfect, do you hear me? Won't be long until that _fine_ tree loses patience for me, ya know? Hahahaha!"

Grenda didn't reply. Probably on her down to the kitchen to get the cake and bring it out of view. Man, this was _exciting!_

Bill pulled at his bow tie, stretching it out to make it seem a little more presentable, knocking his elbows against the small frames of the wood, nearly giving himself splinters too. But for once in his entire hick life, Bill didn't want any damage on his human body, just so Dipper could appreciate this. What was that line humans in this century use again? Ah yes, the booty. 

Murmurs of chatter could be heard from where he was, and he assumed it was Mabel talking to her Grunkle Stan outside the Shack. Snippets of arguments about the two-headed cat, something he wasn't particularly interested in. Fordsy's deep voice could be heard trying to side with Mabel, something that almost made him guffaw. Of course the guy would be defending an abnormal thing. 

While it was a little hard to hear in the inside of a giant cake, Bill could've sworn he heard three more people join the argument. A Korean-accented person, a valley girl, a Southerner, and heck, Bill even heard Toby Determined! But why did one of them sound much like D-?

His head was hit against the top of the hatch, nearly spilling out the contents of the cake from the disturbance. Bill almost lashed out, his vision spotted with varying sizes of stars and black dots. Meanwhile, a deep voice hummed behind him while his body shook with the cake, the wheels to roll it around way too crooked to work properly. His hands balled into fists by his sides, blinking once in surprise. Well that was quick. 

_Disco girl, coming through-_

The voices quieted down. Bill's muscles tensed. He smiled.

_That girl is you-_

"Oh, Grenda," came Dipper's surprised voice. Oh, he should be surprised. "Mabel was wondering where you went. Apparently you just took off during her weird birthday makeup ritual. Why do you have-?"

_OOH OOOH, OH OOH-_

"A cake for Dipper Pines," Grenda said, sounding much like a robot. The floorboards creaked under Grenda's footsteps as she stepped away from the cake to present it to him, and him alone. "Enjoy," she deadpanned. 

"Wait, _just_ for Dipper? Aw c'mon, Grenda, the whole gang's here, aren't cha going to sha-?" Mabel teased.

Then Bill had burst out from the top of the cake, bombarding the whole empty living room with icing and cake bits. He summoned a mic, holding it close to his face while both fists clenched around it, eyes closed as he flourished his magical singing voice. 

 _"DISCO GIRL, COMING THROUGH~"_ he sang, feeling his body come to life with the adrenaline. His eyes hooded, making him look a thousand times more seductive than he already was. The sparkles and dim lighting didn't help. 

 _"THAT GIRL IS YOU, OOH OOOH, OOH O-_ Dipper, why are you not singing with me."

He looked accusingly at the brunet, vanishing the mic into thin air as he put his hands on his hips, tilting his hips to the side like a sassy girlfriend from the 80s. It showed him in all of his glory, underwear and collar and all. He noticed the icing on his shoulder, and he brushed it off with little to no interest.

Bill's face hardened into a poker face. "Well _fu_ -"

The knife Dipper was holding clattered to the ground, a hollow sound that made Bill gulp. His red face and his gaping mouth was the exact reaction Bill wanted, probably even more. In fact, Dipper looked like he was looking at the weirdest masterpiece he has ever seen in his life. The poor meatsack's face was so red that it could easily beat Bill's man periods! (What? Demons have those, don't act like it doesn't happen.)

The only probably about the situation was that not only was Dipper there to see him in all of his glory, but so did, eh...ya know...

_The entire town._

Toby Determined coughed into a hand, and seemed to tether the balance between consciousness and death by heart attack. Candy Chiu's muttered something like, " _너무 아름다워_." under her breath. Grenda was passed out on the floor. Wendy and her friends stared at him blankly (He could've sworn the fat one was ogling him). Soos and Melody Ramirez pinched each other. Stanley and Stanford Pines slapped their hands over their precious niece's eyes, too far away from their nephew to try and shield him from the horrors as well. Mabel only complained, not having seen Bill's new 'form' fast enough.

"Well..." Bill drawled. He stepped out of the cake, feeling the breeze tickle his body. He tried to resist the urge to cover his genitals, despite it already being covered, but to no avail, as his arms instinctively made an X on his body.  The turkey on his underwear still showed, staring at everyone in the living room with googly eyes. The catchphrase was more ironic now that it ever was before.

"It was fun meeting all of you, but this little lamby has to go, ciao!"

"Bill..." Dipper said slowly.

"Remember, reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, _don't ever mention this again_ , buy gold _bye_!" he sang out.

Then he torpedoed out of the room faster than someone could say, "Well, time to erase that forever." Faintly, he could hear Dipper calling out his name, almost in annoyance. Laughter filled the air, the shock from his sudden appearance disappearing into a distant feeling. He could hear those flesh and bones singing the song in high-pitched voices, copying his song to make the people around them burst into harder laughter. 

The thing about being Bill Cipher was the fact that it was literally impossible for him to be embarrassed. No time or any parallel universe has he ever felt embarrassed, or flustered, or even mildly bemused. But heck, being caught in nothing but underwear and a bow tie was on his top list to have erased from his mind forever. 

He didn't even bother changing out of the measly outfit, instead turning straight out the door to see if he could run himself over with a train a dozen times until his mindscape was forced out. 

_"Bill, get back over here!"_

Grunting, Bill didn't turn around or even acknowledge the fact that he had heard Dipper. When the stubborn boy only called for him louder (and not to mention more annoyed), Bill snapped his fingers. His human body was on top of a tree now, legs crossed as he munched on a piece of cake with a fork almost angrily. 

Dipper stopped from the bottom of the tree, looking around for Bill with an exasperated sigh. When frosting fell from Bill's messy plate to Dipper's shoulder, that was when he looked up, almost wildly. He caught sight of Bill, and his shoulders slumped. His annoyed look stayed. Yet he still looked so red that 'annoyed' was not a good comparison to Dipper Pines's face.

"Bill! What the hell are you doing up there?!" Dipper yelled up at him.

Bill smacked his lips, intentionally doing so to let Dipper hear. "I'm eating cake! Want some?" His tone was nothing short of pleasant, as if he wasn't shown in his underwear for the whole town to see two minutes ago. Hey, at least no one took pictures of him. 

Yet again, a giant camera was aimed at him the whole time with the red LED light blinking at him. 

Oh, _well sh-_

"Why not eat cake down here?" Dipper asked in exasperation. He paused, clearly sensing that Bill wasn't budging to his request. Softly, to the point that Bill almost didn't hear from where he was (curse having human ears), Dipper said, "With me?"

"Yeah sure, and let you tease me about going to the zoo to see some turkeys," Bill answered dryly.

"Bill, that wasn't even as embarrassing as you'd th-" Dipper huffed. 

"Oh yeah? Hahahaha! Try putting on some underwear and sing Disco Girl out of the top of your lungs in front of the whole town! I bet you'd have _so_ much fun doing it in a cake too!" Bill said sarcastically. 

"For me, yeah it'd be embarrassing, but not for you!"

Bill munched down on another bite of cake before answering. "What does that even _mean_?! Demons have dignity too, you-!"

"It shouldn't _be_ embarrassing for you, Bill!" Dipper cut off, his face gradually turning a darker shade of red as he spoke. Bill could tell he was babbling, from how much hand motions he was putting in to his words. "I thought you singing in front of my whole family was part of your plan anyway. Hell, that was more embarrassing for me than it should be for you. You're- you're Bill Cipher, literally no one in Gravity Falls could expect nothing less from you!"

Bill narrowed his eyes, maintaining their eye contact as he spooned more cake into his mouth. They shared the silence in peace, Bill's gross munching louder than he intended it to be. Luckily, no one decided to go after Dipper and Bill from behind the Shack to see what they were after (he didn't think anyone had the guts to, anyway).

When he swallowed, his eyes narrowed even more, almost as if in challenge. He pointed his fork accusingly at Dipper, nearly splattering the guy with icing, despite being up high in a tree. "You told me you were going to have a karaoke party with your little friends and come back into the living room _alone_ when you get bored!" he scolded.

"I didn't know Mabel and Grunkle Stan would get into a fight over that stupid cat you gave her," Dipper said in annoyance. "We all got tired so we just came inside to rest!"

"We all got tired so we just came inside to rest," Bill mimicked in a high-pitched voice. 

_"Stop copying me!"_

"Stop copying me!"

_"Stop!"_

"Stop!"

Dipper smirked. "I'm stupid." 

"You're stupid."

Bill burst out laughing at Dipper's exasperated look, almost falling out the tree while he did so. "Hoooo- you should've seen your _face,_ Pine Tree! As if I'd fall for that mortal trick! Julius Caesar almost got himself killed for that!" Bill guffawed. 

"Bill," Dipper said bluntly.

"Yeah- what?" Bill heaved through laughs.

"Wow. That- that's horrifying," Dipper continued, a disgusted look on his face. His grimace deepened when Bill's laugh faded, and only seemed to get worst as time stretched on. Bill shifted uncomfortably. 

"What?"

"Oh my _God_ , Bill. Disgusting."

_"What?"_

"Your underwear. Take them off."

"My-?" Bill made a face. His cake disappeared. "Oh, you brat."

Dipper grinned at Bill's playful scowl, uncrossing his arms for a brief moment to beckon Bill down, an invitation for them to finally talk without Bill up there like some pissed off cat. Which honestly could be arranged, since he literally could turn himself into a cat. Possessing one or shifting into one was the real question.

So he obliged, jumping down to the floor with his face faceplanting the ground. He swallowed a few bits of dirt, but he tried not to let it show when he looked back up at Dipper's face, which was mixed with both worry and contained laughter. 

"I know what you're going to say," he drawled, propping his chin on a hand, "it's a very long story, considering how it dates back to a few months ago, and well, reasonably speaking, I had noooo idea what I was doing-"

"Bill," Dipper laughed, an eyebrow quirked, "were- were you trying to _seduce_ me on my birthday?"

"I wouldn't exactly say 'seduce' but something of the sorts, yeah." He grinned, drawing a pattern on the grass. "I saw it on one of those B-list TV shows you keep forcing me to watch, and it always ended with the victim swooning, so I thought, 'Why the heck not try that with Pine Tree?' Hahahaha!"

"Bill, I literally just turned seventeen today," Dipper pointed out. 

Bill gasped, pushing himself off the grass to cross his legs like a kindergartner. He tilted his head up at Dipper, one hand on his heart. "Did you just lowkey call me a pedophile?"

"Strictly speaking, a pedophile is a person attracted to children," Dipper reminded him, the red in his face fading away to a faint pink, "I'm not, uh...legal, but I'm definitely not a kid."

"Aw, are you trying to bed me, Pine Tree?" Bill teased. He slicked back his hair and batted his long lashes. "I definitely wouldn't mind _that._ "

"As much as every man on this godforsaken planet has dreamed of having birthday sex, I wouldn't want to do it with you," Dipper said dryly. Instead of helping Bill up to get him back in the Shack, he fell to his knees, sitting down on his butt to face Bill. His arms held him up behind him.

"Well, what you said was true about everyone dreaming of birthday sex at least once, considering I _am_ a dream demon, how about you?" Bill asked curiously.

"What about me?" 

"If you want birthday sex, who would you want it to be with?"

"Ah..." Dipper coughed into a hand. "That's- that's none of your business."

Jokes on him. Bill had monitored every single dream and daydream alike this kid ever had. He tried to wipe the Cheshire grin off his face to save Dipper from embarrassment on this one day, but it stayed on him like glue. "Just wait one more year, then that'll come true, I promise."

"Bill," Dipper groaned.

If Dipper was trying to be subtle about him scooting closer to where Bill was, he was certainly not doing a good job of it. But Bill pretended he didn't notice, giving Dipper his trademark grin. "But hey, don't expect me to jump out of a cake again for your eighteenth birthday. I already learned my lesson with that one." He shivered for effect.

Dipper only snorted. "What were you even planning with that? That I'd sigh dreamily and tackle you into a make out session after you sing oh-so-wonderfully to my favorite song?"

"...yesss?" It came out as a question.

Dipper shot him a look. "For being so all-knowing, you're an idiot."

Bill's smile widened. "I know." Without missing a beat, he added cheekily, "I'm only an idiot because you render me speechless."

"Back at it again with your pickup lines," Dipper huffed with a roll of his eyes. But the twinkle in his eyes told Bill that he was clearly into it. "What's next, a turkey pun?"

He frowned. "Why would I make a turkey-?" Suddenly remembering that no, he did not snap his fingers to cover himself into something more presentable and that yes, Dipper was definitely holding back laughter, Bill looked down at himself. 

Scowling as Dipper let the great waterfalls of laughter come out, Bill snapped his fingers, changing his poorly dressed self into a nicely dressed one. A suit, with the same bow tie from the recent attire. As much as this particular bow tie would now remind him of that moment forever, he couldn't help it. C'mon, it matched with his suit!

"I'm never doing that again," Bill grumbled. He slumped against the prickly bark of the tree behind him, crossing his arms while a pout made him look more like a whiny five year old than ever.

Just like that, Dipper's laughter faded. Bill didn't look up at him to see why he suddenly stopped, and decided that he didn't particularly care. Let the guy suffer in a dimension dedicated to flesh-eating letters for all he cared!

A firm kiss planted itself on his nose, a tip of a tongue flicking said nose almost affectionately. Bill's eyes snapped up at the culprit in pleasant surprise, his features softening. 

Okay fine, maybe if Dipper were to be sucked into a different dimension, he would definitely mind it.

"What was that for? You got your germs all over me!" Bill complained, swiping at his face in mock disgust. Honestly, he didn't care if this body got sick. He could always just spawn a new one.

"There was icing on your nose, you big baby," Dipper teased. 

Bill glowered at the ground, blaming the shreds of grass for all of his problems. Stupid birthday. Stupid underwear. Stupid Dipper. Stupid him and his cute face...

"And hey," Dipper said softly, coaxing Bill to lift his head. "That was really sweet- what you did, I mean. Thanks"

"What, you mean embarrassing myself?" Bill chuckled lightly. 

"Eh, partly," Dipper shrugged. He punched Bill's arm. "Literally no one knows my favorite song is Disco Girl. You'd have to stalk me all day to find out, you creep."

"No one? Are you sure a certain demon hasn't broadcasted you singing that song in the shower at least once?" Bill batted his eyelashes innocently.

"If you did, I would've told everyone you once cried watching Titanic with my sister, all because of how horrible and inaccurate it was."

"The Titanic didn't sink because of an ice berg, everyone knows that!" Bill threw his hands up in the air. "It sunk because my old friend from down under thought it was a fish and took a big bite! They said they were _sorry_!"

Dipper laughed, scooting a little bit closer to Bill to the point that if he leaned, they were more than sure to start making out. Which would likely happen anytime soon. "But like I said, thank you," Dipper said shyly. He had no reason to be shy, really, but Bill liked the effect he had on this human. "It was, uh...not the type of present I was hoping for, but close enough."

"Oh?" Bill teased. His eyes stared right into Dipper's, making it seem as if he was going to eat Dipper alive. The poor brunet was way too used to the looks Bill gave him, but seemed smaller nonetheless. "If it was close enough, what were you _actually_ hoping for, hmm? Maybe...just a little more skin showing? Perhaps..."

He leaned in, his breath tickling Dipper's ear as he paused, teasing the boy to make him shiver in delight. It took all of Bill's willpower not to tackle him to the ground for uh, sessions that aren't really suitable for children. And as he paused, his hand traveled up Dipper's thigh, walking danger waters as he brushed his fingertips across the clothed skin. 

"...you wanted my turkey?" 

At that, Dipper burst out laughing all over again, causing Bill to retract his hand away from his thigh in surprise. Sure, it was cute and nice when Dipper laughed, especially when he began laughing so hard that he started snorting, but it definitely wasn't nice if Dipper was laughing at him in particular. 

"Whaaat? I was trying to be romantic here!" Bill groaned. 

"Bill, what is with you and _turkeys_?" Dipper laughed. 

Bill gave him a confused look. "But...isn't that what you guys nickname your genitals? ...Turkeys?" he said unsurely. Right?

"No, no- Bill," Dipper laughed yet again, his guffaws slowly fading into soft chuckles as he took in Bill's genuinely offended look. He snorted, one hand coming up to slap a hand over his mouth, but he was way too focused on Bill's question than on his embarrassing laugh.

"We don't call them turkeys, you idiot. We call them-" Dipper clamped his mouth shut, face suddenly going pink. 

Not catching on to what was so embarrassing, Bill quirked an eyebrow. "Call them what?"

Dipper paused as he scratched his cheek, looking a little lost for words. Before Bill could retort that since he couldn't think of what humans nicknamed genitals, turkeys were the right term, Dipper looked up at him. They locked eyes, holding their stares like people would do in drama movies. Then ever so softly, as if the name was cursed, Dipper whispered it.

"...cocks."

And then they held their stares, for about 0.2 seconds, before they both erupted in gut-wrenching laughter. 

Dipper pounded the tree behind Bill with so much force that leaves fell down to the beat of his fist, and Bill felt like his stomach were in stitches. Maybe it was the vessel about to collapse, but he honestly didn't care. But not only did his stomach feel as if it was on fire, Bill's eyes sprang into tears, and one look at Dipper's face told him that the human was crying as well. 

It took them about eight minutes to calm down, as locking eyes and whispering, "Cocks." over and over again would just restart the volcano, perhaps even louder than before. 

"I'm- I'm seventeen," Dipper panted in between their laughter, one hand firmly placed on his stomach, "but I still laugh when someone says cocks in front of me."

"Oh, you should see how I feel," Bill grunted, arms behind his head as he slumped back against the tree. "I'm older than the earth itself, and you're worried that you're too old for laughing at _that._ " The sun was setting just beyond the trees, coating the skies a brilliant gold and pink. It wouldn't be long before the stars came out and the fireworks start in celebration of the great Pines twins.

"You have a point there," Dipper shrugged. He turned his body to see the sun set alongside Bill, arms crossed over his chest while his shoulders brushed up against Bill's. "And anyway, I don't think I could compare to any gift I could ever give you for your birthday. If you had one, that is."

Bill made an offended noise. "I may be a demon but I certainly have a birthday. In fact, it's tomorrow."

"You-" Dipper's eyes widened in surprise. He stopped slumping against the tree beside Bill, looking as panicked as he had when he first realized that he forgot to get a present for Mabel that morning. Then as soon as it came, his shoulders slumped, and he leaned back against the tree. 

Bill's joke came with a price as Dipper smacked the back of his head hard, the demon yelping in surprise more than pain. "Ow! I thought you loved me!" Bill whined, rubbing the back of his head in mock pain.

"I thought you were serious!" Dipper argued. "And quit acting like I hurt your ego, you like pain."

"Ouch. My ego is not to be messed with, Birthday Boy," Bill whistled. He dropped his hand away from his head. "Also, I wasn't lying about the tomorrow thing. I really do have a birthday, actually," Bill grinned. 

"I'll believe it when you get me a birth certificate," Dipper said bluntly.

A birth certificate appeared in Dipper's lap.

"See? January first, the beginning of the year," Bill chirped. He tapped the birth date with a fingernail, right before it vanished into thin air. "So, whatcha gonna get me?" 

"It's still a couple months away, I'll plan-"

"Says the guy who forgot to get a present for the girl he shared a birthday with."

"Says the melodramatic liar."

"Touche." Bill grinned at him. "Luckily, I already know what I want for this human birthday of mine," Bill said slyly. 

"Really? What do you want, a kiss on the cheek?" Dipper said sarcastically.

"Nah, I can get that from you anytime I want," Bill waved off. He hummed under his breath to a tune that was vaguely familiar to the brunet, judging from Dipper's furrowed brow. "Since I presented myself in underwear for you, I'd like to see you top that with lingerie."

"Ling-? Oh _no._ Nope. Not happening," Dipper scowled, shaking his head furiously.

"And why not? I already picked it out for you," Bill sang. 

"No!"

"Hmm...I have two in mind- can't go without a backup plan, am I right? One's yellow, it has a zipper on where the turkey should be, and the other is quite nice, I must say, it looks like a suit, but with a _collar_ too and-!"

"Bill."

"-but there's also the fact that you have to sing too." He gasped. "Oh, perfect! You can sing Disco Girl for me, and we'll duet!"

"Bill!"

"Or...you know what would be better than lingerie?" he purred.

"A hoodie and jeans?" Dipper guessed.

"Nope. Not even close. But nice try," Bill grinned. Dipper groaned. Pausing, Bill slowly turned his head to Dipper almost creepily, his odd smile on his face. He leaned in towards Dipper's ear, whispering the name-that-shall-not-be-named.

"The lamby lamby costume," he whispered.

" _Nope!_ Nope! Never gonna happen!" Dipper yelled, his face a mirror image of how red it was when Bill came out of the cake.

 _"Whooo wants a lamby lamby? I do! I do!"_ Bill laughed.

"Bill, don't you dare finish that-!"

 _"So, go up and greet your mammy, mammy, mammy! Hi there, hi there!"_ He laughed as he guffawed out the lyrics, doing the hand waves and finger-pointing to complete the whole experience.

" _Billllllll,_ " Dipper groaned, his hands covering his face in embarrassment. 

 _"So march, march, march around the daisies!_ _Don't, don't, don't you forget about the baaaaaaby!"_ He belted out the last lyric, one arm around his beau as he did so. Dipper was too busy getting flashbacks to his childhood in order to scream at Bill. 

"Oh c'mon, at least you didn't do it in underwear and a bow tie," Bill teased. "But honestly, it was a fun experience. Especially seeing you all hot and bothered, cutie."

"I hate you."

"No, you love me."

"You must've had brainwashed me then, _you had to,_ " Dipper moaned. 

"Nope, you love me from the goodness of your heart!" Bill exclaimed. He poked Dipper's chest for emphasis. He grimaced when Dipper shot him a sideways glare. "Which is weird. Your heart's so microscopic, Pine Tree."

Dipper pushed Bill's arm away from his shoulders, shooting Bill a playful scowl. Then he suddenly yelped, eyes wide as Bill tried to tackle him down to the grass with puckering lips and outstretched arms. Dipper had to stand up and try and get away that way, but Bill was too stubborn to let him get away so easily.

"Nooo. Give me a kiss! It's my second present to you!" Bill complained, chasing Dipper around the tree.

"There is no way in _hell_!" Dipper screamed.

 _"You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen!"_ Bill belted out. 

"Stop singing, you sound like a beached whale!" Dipper moaned. He danced out of Bill's reach, nearly getting decapitated by Bill's bone-crushing arms. " _And those aren't even the lyrics!"_

Bill stopped in the middle of his chase. "Wait, really?" he asked in confusion. He scratched his head, other hand on his hip. "Huh. I think I make way too many trips to that other dimension. But it's much more fun there, considering that dumb election has that orange skinned, corn-haired billion-"

His sight of the trees were skewed as it tilted sideways. Before he knew it, his body was crushed under a large amount of weight. He made an _oof_ sound as he went down, and it wasn't long before it was replaced by laughter.

"Pine Tree, I was supposed to do that," he complained, wiggling underneath Dipper's weight in an attempt to come back up and flip them around. But Dipper kept him pinned, his weight too much for Bill to handle. That, or he just wanted Dipper to be the dominate one for once.

Don't tell him that.

"This is what you get for making this the weirdest birthday in the world," Dipper huffed.

"What, so me bringing home a pet hydra wasn't weird enough for you? I am _offended_!" Bill gasped.

"Seeing you in underwear is honestly the biggest mystery solved."

"Wow. Thank you for hurting my feelings."

"You're welcome," Dipper answered with a grin. "It's my job to- _hey_!"

Bill flipped them over so that Dipper was now the one pinned to the grass, his thighs straddling Dipper's stomach. The fool tried to escape his grasp by writhing around, complaining and screaming profanities that was worthy of Stanley Pines' thumbs up. 

Before Dipper could scream any louder to get backup, Bill leaned down and planted a kiss on Dipper's lips. It shut the brunet up almost immediately, and his brown eyes stared up at Bill in confusion. But it was clear that the kiss was more than welcome.

"Happy birthday," Bill smiled.

Before Dipper could respond, Bill leaned down again, nuzzling their noses together in a rare act of pure affection. Dipper sighed against his face, arms unpinning from his sides to bring his hands on each side of Bill. He pulled Bill's lips to his own almost impatiently. 

When they pulled away, entranced in their own little dome of paradise, their hearts began to beat as one. They panted heavily, their faces mere inches away from each other. Dipper's eyes began to droop, ready for another kiss. His head tilted subconsciously as Bill leaned closer in. 

" _Disco Girl, coming through,_ " he sang teasingly.

Dipper groaned, smacking his face away while Bill laughed at his disgusted expression. "And here I was thinking that I never wanted my birthday to end, and now I'm wishing desperately that it did."

"Hey, I remembered the lyrics!" Bill argued. "The next line is _young and sweet, only seventeen-_ right? Am I right?"

"I will literally only forgive you if you only wear a decent pair of underwear when we sleep tonight."

"It's a deal then. I mean, it _is_ your birthday."

"Damn straight."

"Damn _gay._ "


End file.
